Mikhail litvak educate or cultivate read

The famous Russian psychologist and psychotherapist Mikhail Efimovich Litvak wrote more than 30 books on practical and popular psychology, the total circulation of which in 2013 amounted to more than 5 million copies.

The current catalog of the Book Club contains his new book, which has already become a bestseller: "5 methods of raising children." In this edition, the author brilliantly solves the complex and confusing problem of raising children. The famous "soul engineer" tells how to raise your unborn child, then - a baby, a kindergartener, a teenager, and even grandparents!

You can buy a book at a discount at Book Club website.

Today we bring to your attention the most interesting excerpts from an interview with Mikhail Efimovich, in which he talks about his views on pedagogy. Articles from interviews were published on the websites,,.

- So what is the love treatment?- The child does not need mom and dad, but needs maternal and paternal love. And working with me, a person receives this love. Motherly love - it is for nothing. “I don’t love you like that” is a typical phrase of many mothers. And the child begins to mangle himself to please the parents. When a person understands. What is it as it is. It is impossible to love him, he begins to pose something of himself. If a person cares too much about his image, then his mother did not love him just like that. And you can fall in love with him only if he is dressed in something special or swears at him. I'll tell you one thing now. Remember Beslan?

- I remember.- One publishing house then decided to publish a brochure and asked me to write an article on how to protect children from maniacs. I wrote that they need to be brought up in love. A child cannot live without love, and if he does not have it in the family, then it is easy to entice him, and if he is loved in the family, then no one will entice him.

- But how, for example, can one calculate in numbers my love for a child?- Very simple. According to the amount of your child's earnings three years after graduation. Even in the writings of Karl Marx, it was noted that as early as ten years old, a child can be profitable. Of course, you shouldn't take this phrase literally. But the classic was right! Therefore, I am not asking if you love the child. I ask: what does your child know how to do, what skills does he have? You cannot live for the sake of a child, according to the principle "all the best for children" - this is a deep delusion. Children need to be supplied on a leftover basis. Who is in charge of the family? As in any enterprise, the one who makes money. Therefore, we buy all the best for ourselves. The child, on the other hand, must earn money for excesses. This does not mean that you have to pay him for grades. Learning is his responsibility. But if he does some of your work, for example, wash your shoes, reward for it. As a child, my son worked part-time like this: he typed my articles on a typewriter.Moreover, for a page typed without errors, I paid him more. So, in addition to earning money, he also increased his own literacy. But you can't put pressure on the child, throw off the educational press, do not demand fives. Children need not be raised, but raised, and solely by their own example. If he finds it more interesting at home, he will not go outside.

And hurry up, by the age of five the child's character (attitude towards oneself, loved ones, people in general and towards work) has already been formed. If at least in one of these positions he has a minus, then all the forces in the future will be spent on striving to stay on a stool that lacks one or two legs. Instead of moving forward, a person begins to walk in a circle. He gets into a life scenario, plays the same play. Therefore, the child should be prepared for real life as soon as possible, taken out of the fairy tale.

- According to your logic, it turns out that the most important character in my life is me myself?- This is not my logic, but the logic of the laws of nature. Self-love is basic love. If I do not love myself, then I have no chance of happiness. Since I am bad, then as an honest person I must stay away from those I love. You can't slip shit on your loved one. This definition helps us understand when we love ourselves and when we don't. We love ourselves when we study, go in for sports, and work creatively. We hate it when we get drunk, mess around, overeat and so on. It follows from this that the one who does not love himself is not ready to love his child. The parent will have nothing to give him. Yes, and Jesus Christ said: "Love your neighbor as yourself." Strictly speaking, almost everyone unconsciously fulfills this commandment. The laws of nature, or, if you like, the laws of God, always work. In this sense, religion and science do not conflict. It is simply that what one gives in images, the other explains in terms.

Happiness can also be explained from a chemical point of view. When you have anxiety, stress, the body releases adrenaline; when you're curious, you think you're having fun - endorphins and alcohol. When a person works successfully, he lives according to the alcohol-endorphin principle. As a result, we get the conclusion: happiness is a by-product of well-organized activity.

Erich Fromm also said that soon humanity will be able to judge whether a person is happy or not, by analyzing his blood.

- There is such an interesting term in your books - "script reprogramming". Does it concern the fate of a person? Is it possible to change fate?- Yes. In the book If You Want to Be Happy, I describe seven unsuccessful scenarios and show how these people rebuilt with our help, and their life became completely different. What is a script? A script is that psychological force that pulls a person towards fate, regardless of whether he considers it a free choice or resists. This is Berne's definition. Our destiny depends on genes. I am a man, you are a woman. We will act in these roles. In general, life is an easy thing if you live in accordance with your own nature.

In the process of upbringing, many parents want to make something out of a child that cannot be done. And his life is bad. It is better not to raise a child, but to raise. Cucumber - cucumber, tomato - tomato. The child wants to be an artist, his mother wants to become accountants, etc. And then he does not live his own life, but according to the script that his parents hung on him. It needs to be reprogrammed. For him to return to whom? .. To himself. The easiest thing is to be yourself.

It is easiest for a tree to grow evenly. It will grow to great heights. Initially, a person is born happy, but then he becomes unhappy under the influence of parental pressure. And when this program is violated, a person becomes ill until he returns to his program.

Those people who are still doing well do not, unfortunately, resort to help. And those who feel bad - they resort, they just have nowhere to go. When I tell them my views, they are outraged.One of the views - you need to live for yourself, then you will choose the right people for yourself; the most important person is the one you work with. This is in line with our nature.

- Most mothers don't like their children?- There is such a common phrase “I don’t love you like that”. And a child needs motherly love. And he begins to behave the way his mother needs. Although, perhaps, the child himself does not need. He begins to think that it is impossible to love him just like that, and then the person then all the time poses something out of himself. My son Igor Mikhailovich Litvak went further and divided maternal and paternal love into infantile and mature. Infantile maternal love should be up to a year. At this time, the mother keeps the child near her, and the child can always find protection from her. If a person did not have infantile maternal love, then he will not feel safe all his life. And so he knows - his mother will always help him out, no matter what he is. We even calculated what the mother should say when the child is indulging. "Do what you want. I still love you". Then comes the period of mature maternal love, when the mother of the child gradually lets go of herself. Many mothers keep their children with them all the time, even escort them to school until graduation classes, when the child is already uncomfortable. Then the person ceases to be autonomous and becomes dependent. He always wants to find a leader who would lead him.

- What is the expression of paternal love?- The essence of paternal love is that a child is loved for a reason, but for something. Infantile fatherly love - do as I do. It is necessary for the acquisition of skills and consists in the fact that the child comes to the father and says: "I did this and that." - "Well done, what did you do." Infantile paternal love is needed up to 7-8 years old. And then comes the time of mature paternal love - do what you want. You're smart. Otherwise, the child is deprived of his creative potential and only repeats what others are doing. By the way, mature paternal love is very rare, few people receive it. The question is often asked - what if a woman is raising a child alone? So he does not need mom and dad, but he needs maternal and paternal love. Infantile and mature. And mom needs to learn to give all these types of love.

- If a person in childhood did not receive any of these types of love, can this be corrected?- We need to get this love now. And build a foundation of personality so that a sense of security, a sense of autonomy, skill and creativity emerge. And only then will a person be successful in erotic love. Moreover, at different stages of erotic love, a person has a need to receive one or another form of love from his partner. For example, when a wife falls ill, the husband must give her infantile motherly love. Take her sick, take care of her. And then erotic love will be of high quality. Otherwise with sex they will be very bad. Correctly said that we have no sex. Our woman takes the exam, and the man takes it. Hence there is a lot of disharmony.

Interested in the author's views? We remind you that buy a book by Mikhail Litvak at a discount is available on the Book Club website.

Enjoy reading! Your Book Club

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24.01.2017 14:57

Here I will describe how my charges, using the principle of the sperm, managed to re-educate their children, or at least achieve some positive results. Read their stories.
 

How I stopped my son from screaming. When my son was seven years old, for all the misunderstandings, he raised a cry. I persuaded him, ordered, demanded, threatening. But it was all useless. Then I decided to use the sperm principle. Once when my son raised a cry, I began to shout too, but not at him, but something of my own. I shouted much louder than he, because we were taught this too at psychological trainings. It was summer, and our windows were open, and we lived on the second floor.My son, hearing my scream, pounced on me and demanded that I stop screaming, since everyone in the yard can hear. I obeyed him. Several more times I had to repeat this, and we were done with the screams.
 How I taught my children to read This problem is often central to the upbringing of children. What advice I didn’t listen to, what just didn’t undertake! The principle of the sperm helped out. In the evenings, I began to read interesting books to my sons for a long time, and most importantly, books by brilliant authors; Lammer, Shakespeare, Pushkin, etc. Naturally, I chose the places available to them for reading. With surprise (yes, we underestimate our children!) I noted how subtly they understood everything, although one was nine and the other twelve. By the way, such readings were of great benefit to me myself. Some of the questions they asked me showed that they perceive these works more freshly and correctly. Then, while reading, I began to pause and supposedly search for the desired text. They rushed me. I said that I was releasing those passages that it is too early for them to read. I forbade reading these passages and even named pages that cannot be read. Of course, these passages were read by them.

Sometimes I read a book in their presence, wanting them to read it too. They were interested in what I read. I said that it was too early for them to read this book and hid it so that they could find it. This is how I was able to direct the reading of my children. When one of my sons later started dating a girl with whom I had a good relationship, she confessed to me that she had no idea that boys can be so well-read these days.
 How I taught my son to write correctly My son studied well in all subjects, but his grammar was lame. In the sixth grade, it turned out that he could have a one-year grade. Reproaches and threats like "Where are your hands growing from?", "What will come of you?", "You will become a janitor!" no effect. It was impossible to force him to check what he had written just once. My wife and I were summoned to school. After the next "pumping", things only got worse.

After undergoing psychological training, I decided to use the principle of the sperm. I rewrote his text with his mistakes, and even added some of his own and told him that I could write without a single mistake and was ready to pay him 10 kopecks (it was in "stagnant" times) for every mistake he finds with me. We made a bet in the presence of our wife and our youngest son, according to all the rules of the guys in our yard. I have never seen my son work with such enthusiasm! When asked to use the school spelling dictionary, he categorically refused. He took a large 102,000-word dictionary and checked every word, even prepositions. There were many mistakes. As soon as he found a mistake, he immediately said something like: "Dad, I wonder how they gave you a certificate of maturity in general, and even with a medal?" "," How are you still being kept at work ?! " He kept himself important. There was a disdainful, condescending expression on his face. My wife claimed that it was my copy. Honestly, I didn't like myself. But it was instructive to see myself from the outside.

I honestly settled with him and pounced on the study of the rules of communication. I began to retype the texts. Naturally, he made mistakes and asked his son to correct them. At the same time, the son learned the rules of communication. If I forced him to teach them, do you think I would have succeeded? Gradually, my son's literacy began to improve. After three months, the problem was eliminated, and the behavior at school became better. When he entered the institute, we did not hire a Russian language tutor. So the study of psychology brought material benefits.

But the main thing is not money. My relationship with my son improved and took on the nature of cooperation, and the family became calmer. The son became more frank with me. Agree, this is a great achievement.
But then we became even closer.Once he asked for pocket money. I offered him to earn them himself, since there was no free money in the family. He agreed, but said he didn’t know how to find a job. I used the services of a typist and offered to do this work to him with the same payment terms: 50 kopecks per page with three corrected errors and 70 kopecks if there are no errors. With great difficulty, within a month, he earned 15 rubles, bought some kind of toy, which broke the next day. I kept my wife from giving unnecessary lectures. The son was very worried, but did not cry, but with a deep sigh said: “Wow! How many worked, but bought some nonsense. " So in the future I was spared from mopeds, "firms", tape recorders. No, he has something, but within the framework of our material capabilities.
 How I taught my daughter to housekeeping I raised my daughter alone, without a father, and I tried not to make her feel this way. She took care of her and did everything around the house herself.
But at the age of 13, she fell out of obedience. I began to refuse to study at the music school, demanded toilets that were beyond my means, wanted to use time uncontrollably and did nothing about the housework. The more I forbade her, the more I demanded of her, the more she resisted me. It became more and more difficult for me to achieve my goal. When I got acquainted with the principle of the sperm, I decided to act differently.

After another scandal broke out about the unwillingness to go to a music school, I invited my daughter to a conversation and told her something like the following: “Lena, you are right, I realized that you are already an adult. From now on I give you complete freedom. The only request - when you leave for a long time, let me know when you will return. "

She agreed, not knowing what awaited her. On the same day, she went to a friend's house and returned late. When she got home, I was already in bed. She asked to feed her, and I invited her to take the food herself. There was no bread in the house. I referred to the fact that I did not have time, as she did before. My daughter began to reproach me that I did not love her, that I was a bad mother, etc. It was difficult for me, but I agreed with all her statements. Then I myself said that she and her mother were unlucky. In such a struggle, where I was always losing, seven months passed. I will not say what our cozy apartment has become. In the end, without any guidance, the daughter took the initiative into her own hands and assigned responsibilities around the house. I was assigned the role of a cook: "Mom, you cook better."

She was responsible for cleaning the apartment, she also went for small purchases. We did a big wash together. Gradually, she improved relationships with her friends in class. She became calmer, more confident in herself. A year later, I found a job in a cooperative that made toys. I helped her. Money appeared, and the issue with her wardrobe was resolved. In the summer we bought a ticket to the camp with the money she earned. I noticed that after returning from the camp, my daughter sat down at the piano. She told me that in the camp she made friends with a guy from another city. We agreed to correspond and meet next year, and maybe even earlier. This is how the first love came to my daughter. I was pleased that I was the first and, it seems, the only one with whom she shared her love experiences. If I had not applied the principle of the sperm, I would hardly have been able to become my daughter's friend.
 How I scared my son away from an unwanted sex partner My son at the age of 15, always an exemplary boy, serious, active, outwardly looking much older than his years, going in a sports school and showing great promise as an athlete, suddenly became interested in a girl of 20 years. He began to return home late, skip training, study worse at school. The girl he was dating had a lot of sexual experience and had a reputation that did not please her parents. The son also said that he loved her, that he was already an adult and knew what to do.(A person who knows the principle of the sperm cell already understands that the more intensively the work against the girl was carried out, the more the guy was attracted to her. - M.L.) ...

Acquaintance with the principle of sperm inspired me, and this is what I said to my son: “Son, I'm sorry that we interfere in your life. We missed that you have already grown up. You really understand more in life and nobler than us. And you can love better. Indeed, what does it matter that she is older than you and has a sexual experience? So even better. Why would you mess with an inexperienced girl who is still taught and taught and it is not known what else will turn out? And how can she, so inexperienced, appreciate you? Another thing is the one with whom you are now meeting. You don't need to teach her, and she, comparing you with other men that she already had, was able to appreciate you, to understand how good you are. You can do as you like. "
You should have seen the face of your son. Nevertheless, he told me that he was going to live with this girl and left. But after three days he returned home, and our relationship finally improved.
 How I taught my son to wash When I began to study the psychology of communication and got acquainted with the principle of the sperm cell, I began to be very worried about the everyday inability of my son. He was already 10 years old, but he did not know how to wash, cook, iron, sew on a button, etc., and most importantly, he did not want to learn this. He could not even change a dirty shirt for a clean one without reminders. With scandals, all this was sought from him by his wife. I served in the army and understood that if it went on like this, then it would be difficult for him in the army. I could not convince my wife of this.

But there would be no happiness, but misfortune helped. My wife's sister, who lived in another city, fell seriously ill, and the wife had to leave for a month to take care of her. My son and I stayed at the farm. Naturally, I stopped leading him and following my son, whether he changed his shirts or not. Rather, I followed, but did not interfere. He spent a week (!) In a white shirt without changing it. On Saturday he asked me to wash it for him. I agreed to do this after I finished my business, and asked him to pour water into a basin, then told him to throw a spoonful of washing powder there, then put a shirt there, etc. So, after going through all the stages, he washed myself. When my son went to bed, I watched how he did it. You know, in principle, not bad. I reached her a little, and in the morning I said that he washed his shirt better than my mother, and in vain he entrusted her with such a responsible job.

Many more examples could be cited, but why? After all, the main thing is to understand, accept, believe and follow the rules arising from the principle of the sperm. When using my approach, it will be worse at first, but then you can achieve the desired result, which will remain unchanged and will not require emotional costs and volitional efforts from you. But deterioration is inevitable! It's like in a chess combination, where first you sacrifice a pawn, then a bishop and a rook, and then a queen, and then there is an opportunity to checkmate with a knight. But if the combination is not fully carried out, all the sacrifices will be meaningless.
Therefore, I consider it my duty to warn, my dear reader. If you do not have a firm conviction in the correctness of your actions - if you do not complete the matter and return to the suppression style again, then it is better not to start. It is really very difficult.

  And what can be expected of you can be seen from the following example. A friend of mine, a very experienced therapist whom I consulted, broke up with her husband. She endured it more or less calmly and with dignity. Left alone at the age of 28 with her five-year-old daughter, she decided not to have any more dealings with men and saw the meaning of her life in raising her daughter. I warned her that in 10 years she would have problems in her relationship with her daughter and she would turn to me for help, but it was not possible to convince her.She raised her daughter in the style of prohibitions. The daughter saw only adult women near her - her grandmother, mother and her loser friends. When the moment of puberty came for my daughter and she began to be drawn to the boys, it became very difficult to keep her at home. And so my friend, as I predicted, turned to me. The daughter was then 15 years old.

Naturally, I recommended removing all prohibitions. The mother noted with dismay that her daughter could go from hand to hand. I agreed, but added that now her daughter will go from 15 to 15, and if she manages to keep her daughter for another two years, she will go from 20 to 30.

In general, she heeded my recommendations. And her daughter, as expected, went from the hands of her classmates. On rare occasions, my friend looked at me with mute reproach. This went on for about a year. But when her daughter began her senior year, she asked her mother to hire a tutor. All the boys were over immediately. The girl entered the university, which she will soon graduate from. She recently got married. She lives well with her husband. And now I do not give such recommendations even with individual counseling, but I talk about them in lectures and in books.

My dear reader!
I have more sophisticated technologies for establishing relationships between parents and children, but they all follow from one principle - the principle of the sperm. I think now you yourself will be able to develop and apply them in a specific situation. But if you think that a separate book should be devoted to this, write to me. Tell us about your experience of raising children using the sperm principle. This will help you co-author a book on parenting.

Read also:

How to deal with children?

Parenting Styles and the Transference Phenomenon

Family neuroses

Books and audio recordings on the topic:

5 methods of parenting

Audio recording “Raising children. Raise or Raise "

“I want to explain why, I, Mikhail Litvak, a psychiatrist of the highest category, a psychotherapist of the European registry, a corresponding member of the Russian Academy of Natural Sciences, a candidate of medical sciences, the author of more than 30 books on the problem of communication and various aspects of psychiatry and psychology, suddenly decided to tackle the problems of raising children "- this is how the famous" engineer of souls "begins his next psychological bestseller.

And, really, why? “The purpose of my articles on education is to attract to the problem those interested in the development of Russia and in carrying out the necessary reforms that would help bring the country to the advanced level that it deserves to occupy in accordance with its natural and human resources. I think it's worth listening to me. "

It's definitely worth listening to! After all, Litvak knows how to penetrate into the very essence of the most complicated problem. And a more confusing problem than raising children - or perhaps their parents? - does not exist in the world.

The author will tell you how to educate educators, how to educate your unborn child, how to educate babies, kindergarteners, teenagers and even grandmothers and grandfathers! And he will also give "harmful" advice to children: how to "build" parents so that they do not interfere in your life. And they gave you the opportunity to grow easily and enjoy life.

But the most important thing is that Litvak will teach the main thing: how can we all finally learn to love each other? Sincerely, gently, just like that, no way.

Mikhail Litvak

5 methods of parenting

Foreword

"When you bring up a child in the womb, he is spared many failures."

"What do you think, since when should a child be raised?" - this question is often asked to me by young parents. And I always answer: in the womb. And already everywhere in the world, including ours, a program for raising children in the womb has been worked out. We already have statistics that when you bring up a child in the womb, he is spared many failures. In general, it would be necessary to start raising children even earlier. When I was invited to a Rostov institute to give a lecture on the psychology of a student's family, I started by saying that a student's family is bullshit.This is some kind of misunderstanding, psychopathology. There is no office, no start-up capital. There are no qualified personnel. Students can have sex, and even then it would not hurt them to learn a little more. The strength of such a family is described in one English poem: “Two wise men in one basin set off across the sea in a thunderstorm. If the copper basin were stronger, my story would be longer. " The organizers were outraged by my statements. Listening to me, they spat. And they didn't invite me anymore. But the students liked my lecture. If you have already launched a boat of family happiness into a stormy ocean without the appropriate equipment, do not rush to have children.

Another question: who has the right to have children? Someone who, probably, has already been brought up by himself? Is that so? A person who is physically healthy, economically independent and spiritually developed has the right to marry, then he will be able to convey something to the child. You agree with me? No? Then let's find out what a man should be able to do? He must be able to feed his wife, children that will appear from this marriage. And what woman has the right to get married? The same thing: able to feed herself, children and her husband, if something happens to him. True, many women are outraged: why should I feed? I answer: because no intelligent person will marry a woman who cannot feed him, no matter how rich he is. Why? Can we live forever? Can. One possibility of immortality is in our children. It is guaranteed that we will stay alive if we have three children. Then my genes and the genes of their mother will be passed down from generation to generation. If I have only one child, then he may not pass my genes to my grandchildren.

He can only pass on the genes to his mother. You know, when you flip a coin and expect what will come up - heads or tails, then it can come up five times. But nevertheless, when there are three, and preferably five children, then there is confidence that someone will pass on my genes. And therefore, if my wife cannot feed me, I cannot marry such a woman, although I myself can feed three women. Please, you can have sex, and if you need to have children, you only need one that can feed your husband. Could something happen to me? Yes. And it turns out that she cannot feed me ... Therefore, a normal man will never put his wife in charge of the household. Well, not everyone, of course, but the one who at least understands something. And a normal woman will never give up social life. She will definitely leave her husband if he hinders her development. Want an example? Please. We have one Rostov oligarch shot. This happens? It happens. And he married a hairdresser seven years ago. She was seventeen years old, she gave birth to his child. And when she lost her breadwinner, she went around the world. Because when he was alive, he removed her from all affairs. I told her: how are you, my wife, going to work as a hairdresser? I'll tell you: if he really loved her, he would not have suspended her from work. At least I loved myself, then I would not have dismissed myself either. And she eventually lost her profession ... But what am I leading to? Raising children should start with what? With the upbringing of educators.

I always tell students: you guys are healthy, so, of course, have sex, but don't talk about family. No need! You are absolutely not ready for this. The development of a human being, unfortunately, is reaching the age of thirty-five, and many say: you need to educate children in such a way that they can be brought up until retirement. Therefore, we have a lot of dependent people who, in principle, have no right to a family, but they still have one. And if they have already brought in, now what - you will not strangle these children. And you have to educate these would-be parents on the go, so that they understand that they must develop themselves. Well, what to do? And, of course, to acquaint them with the ideas of upbringing. By the way, few people realize that children are little people under five years old. And after five years, they are already adults. The upbringing has already ended and the re-education is underway. But parents need to point out how they ruined them.Of course, maybe they are good, and re-education is possible only with the help of what? Self-education. This means that you have to reeducate on the go. In general, you need to equip the ship before you set sail.

I was once interviewed and asked: how do you look at the fact that we began to give two hundred and fifty thousand rubles for the birth of a second child. I say: of course, it's good when the state gives money, but the "quality" of children will be worse. Stupid women will give birth for the sake of money, who will solve some of their problems for this money. A smart woman either already has the necessary funds and will have a child without an appropriate amount, or she will understand that with this money she can buy a maximum of 1 sq. m area, and will not have children.

So soon we'll just have more morons. But what if our people were so poorly educated in socialist times? A man got his first money in his hands when he graduated from college and thinks that he received a lot of money, they did not teach him how to manage money. It was enough for him for a week, but he thought it was a lot ... Then state people began to discuss this problem of payments for children with me. I hope that maybe there will even be one of the national education projects. I expressed my opinion about education: it is necessary to start with educators. I have my own thoughts on this matter. They are even already written in the books - "If you want to be happy", "From Hell to Heaven", "The Adventures of the Eternal Prince", where there are articles "Education of educators", "Education in the prenatal period", "Education in the first year", "Education in the first two years", "Education from three to five". Well, that's it: the upbringing was all over at the age of five. And then there is a re-education. And the technique of re-education is to interest a person, to show him that he is nothing, only then can he make something so representative of himself. But above all, the parents themselves must be prosperous people. Children need to be shown how to live happily, not be told.

The famous Russian psychologist and psychotherapist Mikhail Efimovich Litvak wrote more than 30 books on practical and popular psychology, the total circulation of which in 2013 amounted to more than 5 million copies.

The current catalog of the Book Club contains his new book, which has already become a bestseller: "5 methods of raising children." In this edition, the author brilliantly solves the complex and confusing problem of raising children. The famous "soul engineer" tells how to raise your unborn child, then - a baby, a kindergartener, a teenager, and even grandparents!

You can buy a book at a discount at Book Club website.

Today we bring to your attention the most interesting excerpts from an interview with Mikhail Efimovich, in which he talks about his views on pedagogy. Articles from interviews were published on the websites,,.

- So what is the love treatment?- The child does not need mom and dad, but needs maternal and paternal love. And working with me, a person receives this love. Motherly love - it is for nothing. “I don’t love you like that” is a typical phrase of many mothers. And the child begins to mangle himself to please the parents. When a person understands. What is it as it is. It is impossible to love him, he begins to pose something of himself. If a person cares too much about his image, then his mother did not love him just like that. And you can fall in love with him only if he is dressed in something special or swears at him. I'll tell you one thing now. Remember Beslan?

- I remember.- One publishing house then decided to publish a brochure and asked me to write an article on how to protect children from maniacs. I wrote that they need to be brought up in love. A child cannot live without love, and if he does not have it in the family, then it is easy to entice him, and if he is loved in the family, then no one will entice him.

- But how, for example, can one calculate in numbers my love for a child?- Very simple.According to the amount of your child's earnings three years after graduation. Even in the writings of Karl Marx, it was noted that as early as ten years old, a child can be profitable. Of course, you shouldn't take this phrase literally. But the classic was right! Therefore, I am not asking if you love the child. I ask: what does your child know how to do, what skills does he have? You cannot live for the sake of a child, according to the principle "all the best for children" - this is a deep delusion. Children need to be supplied on a leftover basis. Who is in charge of the family? As in any enterprise, the one who makes money. Therefore, we buy all the best for ourselves. The child, on the other hand, must earn money for excesses. This does not mean that you have to pay him for grades. Learning is his responsibility. But if he does some of your work, for example, wash your shoes, reward for it. As a child, my son worked part-time like this: he typed my articles on a typewriter. Moreover, for a page typed without errors, I paid him more. So, in addition to earning money, he also increased his own literacy. But you can't put pressure on the child, throw off the educational press, do not demand fives. Children need not be raised, but raised, and solely by their own example. If he finds it more interesting at home, he will not go outside.

And hurry up, by the age of five the child's character (attitude towards himself, loved ones, people in general, and towards work) has already been formed. If at least in one of these positions he has a minus, then all the forces in the future will be spent on striving to stay on a stool that lacks one or two legs. Instead of moving forward, a person begins to walk in a circle. He gets into a life scenario, plays the same play. Therefore, the child should be prepared for real life as soon as possible, taken out of the fairy tale.

- According to your logic, it turns out that the most important character in my life is me myself?- This is not my logic, but the logic of the laws of nature. Self-love is basic love. If I do not love myself, then I have no chance of happiness. Since I am bad, then as an honest person I must stay away from those I love. You can't slip shit on your loved one. This definition helps us understand when we love ourselves and when we don't. We love ourselves when we study, go in for sports, and work creatively. We hate it when we get drunk, mess around, overeat and so on. It follows from this that the one who does not love himself is not ready to love his child. The parent will have nothing to give him. Yes, and Jesus Christ said: "Love your neighbor as yourself." Strictly speaking, almost everyone unconsciously fulfills this commandment. The laws of nature, or, if you like, the laws of God, always work. In this sense, religion and science do not conflict. It is simply that what one gives in images, the other explains in terms.

Happiness can also be explained from a chemical point of view. When you have anxiety, stress, the body releases adrenaline; when you're curious, you think you're having fun - endorphins and alcohol. When a person works successfully, he lives according to the alcohol-endorphin principle. As a result, we get the conclusion: happiness is a by-product of well-organized activity.

Erich Fromm also said that soon humanity will be able to judge whether a person is happy or not, by analyzing his blood.

- There is such an interesting term in your books - "script reprogramming". Does it concern the fate of a person? Is it possible to change fate?- Yes. In the book If You Want to Be Happy, I describe seven unsuccessful scenarios and show how these people rebuilt with our help, and their life became completely different. What is a script? A script is that psychological force that pulls a person towards fate, regardless of whether he considers it a free choice or resists. This is Berne's definition. Our destiny depends on genes. I am a man, you are a woman. We will act in these roles. In general, life is an easy thing if you live in accordance with your own nature.

In the process of upbringing, many parents want to make something out of a child that cannot be done.And his life is bad. It is better not to raise a child, but to raise. Cucumber - cucumber, tomato - tomato. The child wants to be an artist, his mother wants to become accountants, etc. And then he does not live his own life, but according to the script that his parents hung on him. It needs to be reprogrammed. For him to return to whom? .. To himself. The easiest thing is to be yourself.

It is easiest for a tree to grow evenly. It will grow to great heights. Initially, a person is born happy, but then he becomes unhappy under the influence of parental pressure. And when this program is violated, a person becomes ill until he returns to his program.

Those people who are still doing well do not, unfortunately, resort to help. And those who feel bad - they resort, they just have nowhere to go. When I tell them my views, they are indignant. One of the views - you need to live for yourself, then you will choose the right people for yourself; the most important person is the one you work with. This is in line with our nature.

- Most mothers don't like their children?- There is such a common phrase “I don’t love you like that”. And a child needs motherly love. And he begins to behave the way his mother needs. Although, perhaps, the child himself does not need. He begins to think that it is impossible to love him just like that, and the person then all the time poses something out of himself. My son Igor Mikhailovich Litvak went further and divided maternal and paternal love into infantile and mature. Infantile maternal love should be up to a year. At this time, the mother keeps the child near her, and the child can always find protection from her. If a person did not have infantile maternal love, then he will not feel safe all his life. And so he knows - his mother will always help him out, no matter what he is. We even calculated what the mother should say when the child is indulging. "Do what you want. I still love you". Then comes the period of mature maternal love, when the mother of the child gradually lets go of herself. Many mothers keep their children with them all the time, even escort them to school until graduation classes, when the child is already uncomfortable. Then the person ceases to be autonomous and becomes dependent. He always wants to find a leader who would lead him.

- And how is paternal love expressed?- The essence of paternal love is that a child is loved for a reason, but for something. Infantile fatherly love - do as I do. It is necessary for the acquisition of skills and consists in the fact that the child comes to the father and says: "I did this and that." - "Well done, what did you do." Infantile paternal love is needed up to 7-8 years old. And then comes the time of mature paternal love - do what you want. You're smart. Otherwise, the child is deprived of his creative potential and only repeats what others are doing. By the way, mature paternal love is very rare, few people receive it. The question is often asked - what if a woman is raising a child alone? So he does not need mom and dad, but he needs maternal and paternal love. Infantile and mature. And mom needs to learn to give all these types of love.

- If a person in childhood did not receive any of these types of love, can this be corrected?- We need to get this love now. And build a foundation of personality so that a sense of security, a sense of autonomy, skill and creativity emerge. And only then will a person be successful in erotic love. Moreover, at different stages of erotic love, a person has a need to receive one or another form of love from his partner. For example, when a wife falls ill, the husband must give her infantile motherly love. Take her sick, take care of her. And then erotic love will be of high quality. Otherwise with sex they will be very bad. Correctly said that we have no sex. Our woman takes the exam, and the man takes it. Hence there is a lot of disharmony.

Interested in the author's views? We remind you that buy a book by Mikhail Litvak at a discount is available on the Book Club website.

Enjoy reading! Your Book Club

" Back

24.01.2017 14:57

Here I will describe how my charges, using the principle of the sperm, managed to re-educate their children, or at least achieve some positive results. Read their stories.
 

How I stopped my son from screaming. When my son was seven years old, for all the misunderstandings, he raised a cry. I persuaded him, ordered, demanded, threatening. But it was all useless. Then I decided to use the sperm principle. Once when my son raised a cry, I began to shout too, but not at him, but something of my own. I shouted much louder than he, because we were taught this too at psychological trainings. It was summer, and our windows were open, and we lived on the second floor. When my son heard my scream, he attacked me and demanded that I stop screaming, since everyone in the yard can hear. I obeyed him. Several more times I had to repeat this, and we were done with the screams.
 How I taught my children to read This problem is often central to the upbringing of children. What advice have I not listened to, that I just did not undertake! The principle of the sperm helped out. In the evenings I began to read interesting books to my sons for a long time, and most importantly, books by brilliant authors; Lammer, Shakespeare, Pushkin, etc. Naturally, I chose the places available to them for reading. With surprise (yes, we underestimate our children!) I noted how subtly they understood everything, although one was nine and the other twelve. By the way, such readings were of great benefit to me myself. Some of the questions they asked me showed that they perceive these works more freshly and correctly. Then, while reading, I began to pause and supposedly search for the desired text. They hurried me. I said that I was releasing those passages that it is too early for them to read. I forbade reading these passages and even named pages that cannot be read. Of course, these passages were read by them.

Sometimes I read a book in their presence, wanting them to read it too. They were interested in what I read. I said that it was too early for them to read this book and hid it so that they could find it. This is how I was able to direct the reading of my children. When one of my sons later started dating a girl with whom I had a good relationship, she confessed to me that she had no idea that boys can be so well-read these days.
 How I taught my son to write correctly My son studied well in all subjects, but his grammar was lame. In the sixth grade, it turned out that he might have a one-year grade. Reproaches and threats like "Where are your hands growing from?", "What will come of you?", "You will become a janitor!" no effect. It was impossible to force him to check what he had written just once. My wife and I were summoned to school. After the next "pumping" things only got worse.

After undergoing psychological training, I decided to use the principle of the sperm. I rewrote his text with his mistakes, and even added some of his own and told him that I could write without a single mistake and was ready to pay him 10 kopecks (it was in "stagnant" times) for every mistake he finds with me. We made a bet in the presence of our wife and our youngest son, according to all the rules of the guys in our yard. I have never seen my son work with such enthusiasm! When asked to use the school spelling dictionary, he categorically refused. He took a large 102,000-word dictionary and checked every word, even prepositions. There were many mistakes. As soon as he found a mistake, he immediately said something like: "Dad, I wonder how they gave you a certificate of maturity in general, and even with a medal?" "," How are you still being kept at work ?! " He kept himself important. There was a disdainful, condescending expression on his face. My wife claimed that it was my copy. Honestly, I didn't like myself. But it was instructive to see myself from the outside.

I honestly settled with him and pounced on the study of the rules of communication. I began to retype the texts.Naturally, he made mistakes and asked his son to correct them. At the same time, the son learned the rules of communication. If I forced him to teach them, do you think I would have succeeded? Gradually, my son's literacy began to improve. After three months, the problem was eliminated, and the behavior at school became better. When he entered the institute, we did not hire a Russian language tutor. So the study of psychology brought material benefits.

But the main thing is not money. My relationship with my son improved and took on the character of cooperation, and the family became calmer. The son became more frank with me. Agree, this is a great achievement.
But then we became even closer. Once he asked for pocket money. I offered him to earn them himself, since there was no free money in the family. He agreed, but said he didn’t know how to find a job. I used the services of a typist and offered to do this work to him with the same payment terms: 50 kopecks per page with three corrected errors and 70 kopecks if there are no errors. With great difficulty, within a month, he earned 15 rubles, bought some kind of toy, which broke the next day. I kept my wife from giving unnecessary lectures. The son was very worried, but did not cry, but with a deep sigh said: “Wow! How many worked, but bought some nonsense. " So in the future I was spared from mopeds, "firms", tape recorders. No, he has something, but within the framework of our material capabilities.
 How I taught my daughter to housekeeping I raised my daughter alone, without a father, and I tried not to let her feel it. She took care of her and did everything around the house herself.
But at the age of 13, she fell out of obedience. I began to refuse classes at a music school, demanded toilets that were beyond my means, wanted to use time uncontrollably and did nothing about the housework. The more I forbade her, the more I demanded of her, the more she resisted me. It became more and more difficult for me to achieve my goal. When I got acquainted with the principle of the sperm, I decided to act differently.

After another scandal about the unwillingness to go to music school broke out, I invited my daughter to a conversation and told her something like the following: “Lena, you are right, I realized that you are already an adult. From now on I give you complete freedom. The only request - when you leave for a long time, let me know when you will return. "

She agreed, not knowing what awaited her. On the same day, she went to a friend's house and returned late. When she got home, I was already in bed. She asked to feed her, and I invited her to take the food herself. There was no bread in the house. I referred to the fact that I did not have time, as she did before. My daughter began to reproach me that I did not love her, that I was a bad mother, etc. It was difficult for me, but I agreed with all her statements. Then I myself said that she and her mother were unlucky. In such a struggle, where I was always losing, seven months passed. I will not say what our cozy apartment has become. In the end, without any guidance, the daughter took the initiative into her own hands and assigned responsibilities around the house. I was assigned the role of a cook: "Mom, you cook better."

She was responsible for cleaning the apartment, she also went for small purchases. We did a big wash together. Gradually, she improved relationships with her friends in class. She became calmer, more confident in herself. A year later, I found a job in a cooperative that made toys. I helped her. Money appeared, and the issue with her wardrobe was resolved. In the summer we bought a ticket to the camp with the money she earned. I noticed that after returning from the camp, my daughter sat down at the piano. She told me that in the camp she made friends with a guy from another city. We agreed to correspond and meet next year, and maybe even earlier. This is how first love came to my daughter. I was pleased that I was the first and, it seems, the only one with whom she shared her love experiences.If I had not applied the principle of the sperm, I would hardly have been able to become my daughter's friend.
 How I scared my son away from an unwanted sex partner My son at the age of 15, always an exemplary boy, serious, active, outwardly looking much older than his years, going in a sports school and showing great promise as an athlete, suddenly became interested in a girl of 20. He began to return home late, skip workouts, and study worse at school. The girl he met had a lot of sexual experience and had a reputation that did not please her parents. The son said that he loved her, that he was already an adult and knew what to do. (One who knows the principle of the sperm cell already understands that the more intensively the work against the girl was carried out, the more the guy was attracted to her. - M. L.) My wife was constantly sobbing, I was depressed: I had to go sailing soon, and my wife had to be put in the clinic ...

Acquaintance with the principle of the spermatozoon inspired me, and this is what I said to my son: “Son, I'm sorry that we interfere in your life. We missed that you have already grown up. You really understand more in life and nobler than us. And you can love better. Indeed, what does it matter that she is older than you and has a sexual experience? So even better. Why would you mess with an inexperienced girl who is still taught and taught and it is not known what else will turn out? And how can she, so inexperienced, appreciate you? Another thing is the one with whom you are now meeting. You don't need to teach her, and she, comparing you with other men that she already had, was able to appreciate you, to understand how good you are. You can do as you like. "
You should have seen the face of your son. Nevertheless, he told me that he was going to live with this girl and left. But after three days he returned home, and our relationship finally improved.
 How I taught my son to wash When I began to study the psychology of communication and got acquainted with the principle of the sperm cell, I began to be very worried about the everyday inability of my son. He was already 10 years old, but he did not know how to wash, cook, iron, sew on a button, etc., and most importantly, he did not want to learn this. He could not even change a dirty shirt for a clean one without reminders. With scandals, all this was sought from him by his wife. I served in the army and understood that if it went on like this, then it would be difficult for him in the army. I could not convince my wife of this.

But there would be no happiness, but misfortune helped. My wife's sister, who lived in another city, fell seriously ill, and the wife had to leave for a month to take care of her. My son and I stayed at the farm. Naturally, I stopped leading him and following my son, whether he changed his shirts or not. Rather, I followed, but did not interfere. He spent a week (!) In a white shirt without changing it. On Saturday he asked me to wash it for him. I agreed to do this after I finished my business, and asked him to pour water into a basin, then told him to throw a spoonful of washing powder there, then put a shirt there, etc. So, after going through all the stages, he washed myself. When my son went to bed, I watched how he did it. You know, in principle, not bad. I reached her a little, and in the morning I said that he washed his shirt better than my mother, and in vain he entrusts her with such a responsible job.

Many more examples could be cited, but why? After all, the main thing is to understand, accept, believe and follow the rules arising from the principle of the sperm. When using my approach, it will be worse at first, but then you can achieve the desired result, which will remain unchanged and will not require emotional costs and volitional efforts from you. But deterioration is inevitable! It's like in a chess combination, where first you sacrifice a pawn, then a bishop and a rook, and then a queen, and then there is an opportunity to checkmate with a knight. But if the combination is not fully carried out, all the sacrifices will be meaningless.
Therefore, I consider it my duty to warn, my dear reader.If you do not have a firm conviction in the correctness of your actions, if you do not complete the matter and return to the suppression style again, then it is better not to start. It is really very difficult.

  And what can be expected of you can be seen from the following example. A friend of mine, a very experienced therapist whom I consulted, broke up with her husband. She endured it more or less calmly and with dignity. Left alone at the age of 28 with her five-year-old daughter, she decided not to have any more dealings with men and saw the meaning of her life in raising her daughter. I warned her that in 10 years she would have problems in her relationship with her daughter and she would turn to me for help, but it was not possible to convince her. She raised her daughter in the style of prohibitions. The daughter saw only adult women near her - her grandmother, mother and her loser friends. When the moment of puberty came for her daughter and she began to be drawn to the boys, it became very difficult to keep her at home. And so my friend, as I predicted, turned to me. The daughter was then 15 years old.

Naturally, I recommended removing all prohibitions. The mother noted with dismay that her daughter could go from hand to hand. I agreed, but added that now her daughter will go from 15 to 15, and if she manages to keep her daughter for another two years, she will go from 20 to 30.

In general, she heeded my recommendations. And her daughter, as expected, went from the hands of her classmates. On rare occasions, my friend looked at me with mute reproach. This went on for about a year. But when her daughter began her senior year, she asked her mother to hire a tutor. All the boys were over immediately. The girl entered the university, which she will soon graduate from. She recently got married. She lives well with her husband. And now I do not give such recommendations even with individual counseling, but I talk about them in lectures and in books.

My dear reader!
I have more sophisticated technologies for establishing relationships between parents and children, but they all follow from one principle - the principle of the sperm. I think now you yourself will be able to develop and apply them in a specific situation. But if you think that a separate book should be devoted to this, write to me. Tell us about your experience of raising children using the sperm principle. This will help you co-author a book on parenting.

Read also:

How to deal with children?

Parenting Styles and the Transference Phenomenon

Family neuroses

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5 methods of parenting

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Cast:

Amitabh BachchanVinod KhannaNitu SinghShabana AzmiShammi KapoorAmjad Khan

Description: Policeman Shamsher Singh imprisons the crime boss Mangal Singh, who has a little son unattended. Shamsher Singh takes the child to him and brings him up together with his son. From childhood, these two boys' favorite pastime was the game “...

08
jul
2010

An Education (Lone Scherfig)

Translation:

Professional

(polyphonic, offscreen)

Subtitles:

There are switchable

(Russian, English)

Format: BDRip-AVC,

MKV

, H.264,

AAC

Country:

Great Britain

Producer:

Lone Scherfig

Genre:

ComedyMelodrama

Duration: 1:40:00

Year of issue: 2009

Cast:

Carey MulliganOlivia WilliamsAlfred MolinaCara SeymourWilliam MellingConnor CatchpoleMatthew BeardPeter Sarsgaard

, Amanda Fairbank-Hines,

Ellie KendrickDominic CooperRosamund PikeNick SampsonKate DucheneBel ParkerEmma ThompsonLuis SotoOlenka WrzesniewskiBryony Wadsworth

, Ashley Taylor-Rhys ...

Description: Jenny is 16 years old, oh ...

22
feb
2015

Education for joy (Collection) (Natalya Fun)

Format: audiobook, MP3, 128kbps

Natalya Fun

Executor:

Natalya Fun

Year of issue: 2013

Genre:

Psychology

Duration: 12:17:39

Description: Young mothers are faced with the fact that there are many tips for raising children, and they often contradict each other. Mom says one thing, my friend says the second, the doctor says the third. And there are even more conflicting opinions on the Internet. And so you want to be a good mother and raise your child correctly! What to do to make upbringing a joy? This is the series of programs of the Club of Successful Moms. Author -

Natalya Fun

, mother of four children. Contents How to lay the reb ...

Mr. Litvak from time to time emphasizes the exclusivity of his lectures, but personally I have not heard anything exclusive here. There is a lot of useful, quite a lot of harmful, but, as he puts it, that which is impossible to hear anywhere else is not here.

The simplest harmful:

Mr. Litvak claims that milk after a year is harmful, and this, they say, is an elementary thing that for some reason they do not know about. First, there is a fairly massive propaganda about the dangers of milk, which has little in common with science, and which has already set the teeth on edge. Secondly, modern medicine (and genetics in particular) asserts that there are people who assimilate milk completely, without the slightest harm to health, but only with benefit, and there is, for whom it, milk, is contraindicated. Mr. Litvak apparently does not know this, and extends his ideas to everything and everyone. Secondly, there are even more individual characteristics regarding breastfeeding than in the previous paragraph, and to extend the announced rule indiscriminately to everyone, and even under the stamp of scholarship, borders on a crime.

2. The assertion of the rigidity of the connection between objective psychological and not only laws and a comfortable, healthy life, references to the Bible and the preaching of fornication, which is a red thread in Mr. Litvak, looks very amusing.

3. No less amusing is a lesson for women who are going to get married to go there with a firm belief that “why don't I need you so much” (quote from memory). It is clear that you need to be ready for everything, but the orientation towards such an installation will most likely be the trigger mechanism for such a situation when it will be possible to use it, the installation.

You can further and deeper explore this seminar, you can talk about style and vocabulary, etc., but what has been said is enough for a critical attitude to the work of Mr. Litvak.

I emphasize once again: there is a lot of useful things in the seminar, but there are also many harmful ones, and all this can be read and heard from many other authors, who, at least, do not so openly resort to suggestions. However, Mr. Litvak does not hide the list of these authors.

I apologize if you have outraged or offended someone.